The Book of Wild states that, shortly after discovering (and inadvertently inhaling) large quantities of quantum fluid leaking from the as yet undiscovered PCT interdimensional rift in April of 2014, Reese Witherspoon was visited in a vision by the demigod John Muir. Muir warned that blatant disregard for facts and intellectual rigor in American discourse had caused a massive tear in spacetime that, if left unaddressed, would soon rend the continent asunder and open a permanent portal to a dimension ruled by self-obsessed oompah loompahs with tiny hands and no respect for empiricism. Muir decreed unto Witherspoon that an eternity of chaos and suffering was assured unless an intrepid hiker could seal the rift permanently by walking an unbroken path along its entirety in a single season. I intend to be that hiker.